Friday, June 26, 2009

Oh, And . . .

I had a ten-hour bus-ride from Istanbul to Efes today. Plenty of time to nap, read and write an addition to my last blog, "An Official Declaration of the End of my Quarter-Life Crisis." Here it is:

I choose today a life comprised of harder bits, forsaking trivial & temporal comforts and preference in pursuit of that which I truly want, of becoming who I truly am. I say "No More" to the lies of my youth which would have me believe I am so small, not ready. I say "No More" to the the liars of my present, whispering weakness, short-coming, unchangeability, bondage to my faults and folly. In Jesus' name I bind them and send them away. I am ready to fail, and fail LOUDLY, paving my way into a wiser, stronger, humbler tomorrow. I will carry this raw and ripping glory of God through this bleeding and disengaged world, offering my flesh for its tariffs. Take it by the pound - perhaps it'll serve you better than me, but I doubt it. I will not be myopic or flippant in my daily actions, behaviour, attitude, or endeavors. I've come to grips with the idea of growing old. It's uncomfortable, but I will do it well if it kills me. I'm here. I'm alive. And I will not go down easy.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

An Official Declaration Of The End Of My Quarter-Life Crisis

So, I'm not a kid anymore. Not that I have to be all mature or anything, but I officially can no longer allow myself to slide through life putting forth minimal effort and expecting maximum returns. I can't afford anymore to have a mindset of trying to get all I can, trying to beat the proverbial system, trying to get "ahead." I will, instead, try to help others get "ahead" when possible, and cherish my spot in line, wherever it is. When I was a child I thought like a child, and so on and so on.

This means I will chill out and not do everything within my power to be the first one at every red traffic light in order to red-line it off the line. I know that this makes me arrive at my destination with a tmj flair-up from clinching my teeth. Not cool.

I will quit referring to myself as a "spiritual infant," and expecting slack from people for not knowing what I believe. For God's sake, I've known Christ since I was tiny. Just 'cause somehow my little mind has a bunch of it confused hardly excuses rationalizing, inactivity, selfishness, and cynicism. For real, I'm sure I still have more of it mixed up than I have right, but that should leave a lifetime of room for growth.

I will seek a better balance between being down on myself half the time and thinking I'm pretty hot stuff half the time. Both are sick and prideful. I will try to be OK with myself, to the point of not worrying about myself very much of the time. WOW, how much energy will that save for worthwhile endeavors.

I will, moment by moment, ask for the grace to shift my attitude from that of entitlement to that of gratitude. If I know anything, it's that I'm entitled to nothing but a shallow grave. The fact that I'm blessed beyond measure, living a life of which most only dream should mean my lips never cease to give thanks. No more grumpiness. No more defensive responses. No more fear.

I will try to become more humble without being forced to learn the hard way. Asking for grace each morning to have my prideful pieces revealed and removed peacefully sounds a lot more productive and enjoyable than learning the tough lessons of life through a constantly breaking spirit.

I will dream big dreams, write them down, and work towards them.

That's all I got for now. I hope to add to this list as the spirit strikes.